This just in from Taco News Network:

The Vatican has officially named Tacos as "The Official Food of the Patron Saints" Happy Taco Tuesday!
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

New Advice for the Outdoors:

When camping, always take people who run slower than you. Both you and the bears will appreciate it.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Shhhh!

What I've just done should not be spoken about in polite society.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Well if you must know...

I did.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Question...

What's the difference between an Epileptic Seizure and Break Dancing? You don't know either? Good, I thought I was the only one.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

My past jobs...

Early in my working career, I was Elmer Fudd's stunt man.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Talk about being out of shape...

I went Shadow Boxing today. My Shadow won.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

NFL Expensive...

The only football tickets I can afford are so high up in the stadium that you're required to bring your own oxygen to the game.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

How come...

Its always the wrong people who ask me "If I could, would you?"
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Danger Will Eobinson...Dange!

Call the Haz-Mat Crew...I'm making dinner again!
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Ok, Seriously.

How many people out there really "Lather, Rinse, Repeat"?
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Talk about communication...

I love it when my bank sends me a text message that shows exactly how broke I really am.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

New Definitions for Old Words...

Monday Night Football: The reason God created Mondays.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

In Honor of 9/11

To the fallen...my respect. To the survivors...my heart.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

What's up with this?

Is it just me, or has anybody else noticed that all of the Super Heros all live and work on the East Coast?
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Lines I Would Have Added to Movies.

Love Story: "Love means never having to say you're sorry...but you better because we both know I'm always right."
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Lines I Would Have Added to Movies.

"But Rhett! Whatever shall I do?" "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn because you signed a Pre-Nup."
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

I like the way some people think...when they do it that is.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

If you're like me and have had dealings with a certain 3 letter government agency, then you'll understand why I can't talk about it.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

There is no Sodium Chloride in Team.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

How about you?

That 20 page term paper I wrote in college about Stalin is really doing wonders for me right now.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Say cheese...

Can you imagine how good Eve's Driver's license picture was?
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Running behind...

Its almost 10:00 in the morning and I'm starting in on my 2nd pot of coffee for the day...I really hate it when I fall behind like this!
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Happy Taco Tuesday!

Dear Bill Gates, How come Windows doesn't have a screen saver of flying tacos? If you make one, I promise not to lick the screen. Thank you.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Where is the love here?

Kim Kardashian gets married and its a media circus. I make dinner and don't kill anybody with my cooking...Zilch!
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Its so relaxing...

Nothing is as satisfying as watching the masses screaming & running in abject terror from a 160 foot fire breathing lizard.
Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Try this...

At the next boring party you attend, pretend you're pulling out a sword then say "By the power of Grey Skull" then yell "I HAVE THE POWER!

Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Try this sometime!

Ever tried to have you time alone with God to pray and read your Bible with 3 dogs in your lap?

Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Here's a rude awakening...

And here all my life I thought my life was a puzzle with a Tiger on it and it turned out to be a box of Frosted Flakes.

Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Listen up!

I am here to tell you all that there are no such thing as Vampires, Werewolves or Zombies. (That is unless you are speaking about Congress).

Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

What do people say when they meet you?

When most people meet me for the first time, they usually say "So you're really out on a day pass eh?"

Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

This date in history...

A little known fact: Betsy Ross was munching on Tacos when she created the first American flag. Happy Flag Day and Taco Tuesday!

Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

A Forrest Gump Moment:

Life is like a buffet table. Which explain why I have so much on my plate right now.

Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Trust me on this one...

The body is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.

Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

What are the odds?

I've got to be the only Sunday School Teacher in the world who has a tip jar. ;)

Yours, In HIS Service...

Pastor Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker & Biker
Phil.4:13 & Rom.12:1&2

Some People!

There are people out there that are saying Sick and Twisted like its a bad thing.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Good Morning

Its 7:10 in the morning and I'm already brewing my 2nd pot of coffee. I'm beginning to sense a record being broken here.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Hey...It's my job!

I eat things that are bad for me because its my job to balance the scales between Good and Evil.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Thank you God...

Everyday I get up and in my prayers I thank God for: Tacos, Bacon, Coffee and Ranch Dressing.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Ahhhh Good Times!

I love watching my baby girl talk, drool & smile. Did I happen to mention she's 18 yrs old & coming out of the dentists while on novocaine?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Way to go Boone!!!

I just heard my nephew Boone play the theme from Star Wars on his violin. It was AWESOME!!! I couldn't believe how good it sounded.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Goodnight?

I'm afraid to say goodnight because if decide to post another witty remark, I'm afraid you all will call me a liar.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Has this happened to you?

I hate when I want something and its not in the house but its being shown on TV.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A Glimpse Into The Future...

I'm watching my grandsons play and I'm thing to myself; "So this is the future of Western Civilization?"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Coffee IS important:

While its true love makes the world go round, its coffee that keeps it awake.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Hello there!

Sorry I've been gone so long, but my brain was in the shop and I just got it back.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Read it for yourself!

I just read Job 41 and I kid you not, I think God was talking about Godzilla!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I wish I had thought of this...

ROFLSHMSFOAIDMT...Rolling On Floor Laughing So Hard My Sombrero Falls Off And I Drop My Taco
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Its Question & Answer Time!

Question: How do you give carnivores a salad? Answer: Feed them vegetarians!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Is this you?

I always feel my most laziest just before I fall asleep.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Try this Yoda...

"I Arrive. I Order. I Crunch. I Move On." (Excerpt from my Autobiography "Gary Nickels: Zen Master of Taco Eating") Happy Taco Tuesday!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Happy Taco Tuesday!

The Statue of Liberty will be under going an "Extreme Make Over". Instead of holding up a torch, she will now be seen eating a 45 foot taco.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Now this is love!

Greater love hath no man than to change a diaper chock full of toxic waste off the tush of his infant grandson.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

If I only had one...

Words in my infomercial: "In addition to my brilliance, I'll throw in some of my awesomeness for free! (Just pay extra Shipping & Handling)"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Think about this...

I wonder what its like to play yourself in a movie?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Talk about going in circles...

In the same spirit a dog has when he chases his own tail, I've decided to follow myself on Twitter!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Are memories precious?

When I was a kid, my Mom told my Dad to "Please take out the Trash". Next I knew I was asleep inside a trash bag out in the alley!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Don't hurt yourself over this...

There are certain thins in life you should never think about. Because if you do, it will ruin the magic. Like: "What kind of meat is Spam?"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Ahhh youth!

There are days where I just want to act like a 3 year old. Not because I enjoy being immature but because I can only afford kid meals at McDonald's.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Take that Batman!

Not only did I not blink when I looked into the abyss, but I also threw in a quarter and wished for more bacon.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

It speaks!

While I do not believe in the power of reading somebody's palm. But, I just read my own palm & it said "Wash me you Moron, I'm dirty!"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I shouldn't think so much...

Reality...I just don't get it.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I finally get it...

After numerous attempts, I have come to the conclusion that I should leave wishing to the professionals.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Very disappointing...

Well its 6:22 pm. It didn't happen so I guess I'll be taking out the trash after all.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

You asked!

People keep asking me what do I do for a living. I always reply with a French accent: "Do? What is this 'Do' you speak of? Be gone peasant!"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Now you know...

I am the reason people look both ways when crossing the street.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

What are you looking at?

I got a lot of strange looks from people today. Thereby proving that I'm still at the top of my game.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Happy Birthday Pebbles!

12 years ago today, my granddaughter "Pebbles" was born. Will somebody please give the name of the person who gave her permission to grow up?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

This is how I pass the time...

Sitting in the hospital pharmacy, looking at the people waiting for their meds and I'm playing the mental game of "Spot The Sociopath".
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Things I Hate #37:

I hate it when my dog has morning breath.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

An idea whose time has come...

Say what you will about them, but I think Hermits have the right idea.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Sanity?

I lost my sanity so long ago that I can't even find it using a GPS.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

God is so smart!

Thank God we are not made out of Legos! Because angry children would take their parents apart while they were sleeping.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

How hard does it have to be?

If life was as easy as following the instructions on how to warm up frozen lasagna, we wouldn't be in the mess we are in today.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Oscar Meyer?

When you start giving your lunch meat a first and last name, then its time to up the dose of your "medication".
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Blah!

Right now I'm trying to get up enough energy to be lethargic.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

This nutritional fact...

Chocolate. Its just not for breakfast anymore.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

How's your Monday going?

You know your Monday is going to be bad when you look over at your 1st cup of coffee of the day & you see two flies in using it as a Jacuzzi.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Help me!

The United States has a new way they get information from terrorists. Water Boarding has been replaced by watching "The Cleveland Show".
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

And you...?

I don't watch Jackie Chan movies for the dialogue.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Need Directions?

If your looking for love in all the wrong places it just goes to show that you are doing it all wrong.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Do you know why...?

I have no idea why I'm sending out random messages like this, but I'm having fun doing it.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Be careful what you yell...

Last time someone yelled at to "Make A Hole!" I ended up going to Sweden, playing with their particle collider. & making Black Holes.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I have a confession to make...

I am living proof that it is scientifically possible to be a bad influence to one's self.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Oops!

I love how people think. No wait...that was the animal world...my bad!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Just go with it...

Ba-da Bing...Ba-da Boom! I know it doesn't make sense, but it was fun to put out to the world.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I'm so easy...

I'm a man of simple pleasures: Bacon, Tacos Books & Coffee.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

He Did it!

Today was the day I got to see my son graduate from college. Talk about having a "Proud Dad" moment...this was it.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

This is makes sense...

There is one reason and one reason only why Extraterrestrial life would ever travel billions of miles to come to Earth: Bacon!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Talk About Talent...

People keep looking at me like I'm strange or something...they're right, I'm both!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I found it!

Its nice to find that missing piece of pizza at 5:00 in the morning.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Rest fot my enemies:

I'd like to watch some people go to bed in a field of lava.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A career choice...

If you do what I do for as long as I did you'll wonder why you didn't started sooner.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

What a world...!

Did you know that Miss Piggy actually won the Miss Bacon pageant before she made it big with The Muppets?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Its Payback Time!!!

4 Grandkids, 2 Swords, 5 Hair Clips, 1 Espresso Machine and a 64 Pack of Permanent Markers. Who says you can't get even with your children?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Yawn...

Sleep. The one thing you need the most after you wake up.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Its Saturday...

A quiet house, my morning coffee & a good book. Now if I can remember how to read after getting up early on a Saturday, it would be perfect.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Who says I don't eat healthy?

I had Jelly Beans and Coffee for Breakfast. Talk about a nutrition!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

If we are what we eat...

Then this means I'm Fast, Cheap and Easy.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Happy Taco Tuesday!

I think the Olympics would be more interesting if the participants had to eat Tacos at the same time they did their events.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

How's this?

Doing what I do best requires a safety net, a license and a pardon from the governor.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Think about this one:

Isn't your name kind of like a verbal tattoo? Because once your parents give you one, you're stuck with it for life.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Does this sound familiar?

There are times I wish certain people would just go to sleep.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A word of waring is in order...

I would like to remind all of you that knowing me is not only bad for your health, but also very detrimental to your property values as well.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Now here this...

I'm giving humanity exactly 18 seconds to do what I want or I will have no other choice but to tell my Mom.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Ever wonder about this?

I wonder what cartoons watch for entertainment?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

And how do you feel?

If I had just a teeny bit more energy, I'd feel Blah.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I was such a loser as a kid...

Even my imaginary friends picked me last to be on their teams.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

On the subject of Home Security...

How safe do you think my house is when I have a dog named "Chicken"?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I'm serious.

Dear friends: Sleep is something I'm going to try out. I figure if Joe Biden can do it when his boss is talkng, it can't be that bad!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A quick letter...

Dear friends: Sleep is something I'm going to try out. I figure if Joe Biden can do it when his boss is talkng, it can't be that bad!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Rude awakening 101:

Talk about a rude awakening, I just realized its day light!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Think about rthis for a second...

If "Another One Bites The Dust" don't you think those after this one would have gotten the hint and gone home?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Read the following:

Its 5:31 California time and I really should not be allowed to stay up this late, but who are you going to tell...my Mom?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

What a country!

Only in America can you play Mahjong and listen to Aerosmith at the same time!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I'm a giver!

I have a thought I'd like to share with you all ( ). Thank you.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I can't get no respect:

I asked the Make-A-Wish Foundation to follow me on Twitter, but they said no because they didn't think I was sick enough.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Talk about a lack of respect...

But even to this day, my kids won't call me "Mr. Incredible".
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Don't be Redundant.

Don't tell me no. You know I'm going to do it anyways.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

When I was a kid...

My Mom & Dad sound proofed our house...then locked me outside.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Happy Taco Tuesday!

There is no such thing as a "Vegetarian Taco". It is a "Salad Wrap" not a "Vegetarian Taco". Thus endith the lesson.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I've been working towards my future...

I'm in training for a job that hasn't been invented yet.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A quick question...

Why is it when you have nothing left, people keep asking more out of you?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

This is important...

Forget "The Five Second Rule". In my house its "If You Can Get To It Before The Dog Does Rule" that counts.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I was just thinking about something...

My question is this "If you tickle a penguin long enough, will he squirt fish out of his nose?"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A First Step Towards Uniting The World...

Wouldn't the world make more sense if everybody went to sleep and woke up all at the same time?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A Milestone has been reached!

Considering this is my 500th Tweet, I decided to save it for something really special, so here goes: "This is my 500th Tweet!"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A First For Me...

I had an idea once...and I like it!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

It's Tax Day!

Imagine if the American public told Congress "We're shutting down & we're not going to pay you because we don't have a budget or the money"?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Need I Say More?

Heaven: The Ultimate After Party.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

And what kind of day are you having?

Today is my "I Want To Run Off Screaming Into Oblivion" kind of day.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Happy Taco Tuesday!

"You will bring me Tacos...You will bring me Tacos" (I'm really hoping this mass hypnotic suggestion works.)
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

This is really pitiful.

I was just talking to myself when I told myself to shut up.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Rule # 64A

People like me should not stay up all night and watch Jackie Chan movies.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Gratitude...

Its times like these I enjoy being a mammal.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

No wonder I get headaches...

I've really got to quit thinking about things that haven't been invented yet.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I Was Sooooo Close!

I thought I just had a flash of insight, but it turned out to be nothing more than the bathroom light blowing out when I flicked the switch.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I'm ready!

You know the point where grandparents are ready to hand back there grandkids? I'm sooo there right now!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

From such "humble" beginnings...

I'm amazed at the humility of my granddaughter "Roo". She is riding her bike on the sidewalk and yelling at the top of her lungs...Go Meee!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Think about it...

Intelligent Life on Earth. Interesting Theory.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Stupid Impulse #47:

Texting somebody to ask them how to spell a word.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Lines that just missed being in the movies:

"Be Taco to each other!" And "Frankly Scarlet, I don't give a Taco." Happy Taco Tuesday!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Does Life Make Sense?

For those of you who have followed the ranting and ravings of my work over the past few years, you would understand that the above statement has almost become the mantra or theme of my writing. Never mind the fact that there are a huge amount of people that are out there writing books who basically want to give you a “warm fuzzy feeling” that everything is going to be ok.

Guess what…it’s never going to happen. Why? Because most people are living to a preconceived set of rules written by other people who think they know how to better live your life than you do yourself. Now before you think that I’m a card caring atheist who believes that evolution and man’s basic instinct to be good is all that one needs to get through life, let me explain something.

I’m a Christian. I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins, then rose from the dead three days later and by accepting him as my Lord and Master, that when I die, I will be with Christ for eternity. That part of life does make sense; in fact, it’s the only thing in life that makes sense. It’s the other stuff that I want to talk about that doesn’t.

It is the people who are without Christ that make life very questionable as the logic they are using to define it. Take Science in relation to The Big Bang for example. Some of my favorite channels to watch are ones like The History Channel, The Science Channel, and The National Geographic Channel and so forth because they are very informative…to a point. See, these shows are made by some very smart people who have come to the most stupid of conclusions and observations.

Let’s look at the Big Bang Theory for a moment. Science has said that at first there was absolutely nothing then there was a huge explosion and the result from that explosion is what we see around us. All the planets, galaxies, comets, meteor’s, even our molecular make up, are the result of that so called “Big Bang”. And it all took place about 13.7 BILLON years ago. Life, as the scientists call it, is a haphazard accident that there really is no real meaning or order to it. So, in essence, nothing blew up and here we are.

Now if you believe the above paragraph, then indeed, Life makes no sense; because if you take God out of the equation of life, then indeed, it makes no sense whatsoever.

The Bible says in Genesis 1:1 “In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth.” Notice the word “created”. In order to create, you must have order, you must have a plan and He did it all, according to Genesis 1, in six literal days. Colossians 1:16 and 17 says “For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. And he is before all things, and in Him all things consist. God is not a god of chaos, but one of order.

Scientists have said that they have show beyond a reasonable doubt that the Universe had a beginning…and I agree with them. But where we disagree is when and how it started. If I say that God created it in 6 literal days roughly about 6000 years ago, I’m accused of bringing religion into the topic and religion has no place in science, yet, they can bring in that the Universe “suddenly came into being 13.7 billon years ago” it’s science!

Here is my question for the scientists: “Where you there?” I mean, how did they know? They weren’t there! It’s like what the Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 1:12 “Professing to be wise, they became fools”

It all comes down to Faith. What do you believe in? How do you live your life? Do you live it full of chaos and accidents? Do you believe that everything you do in life is nothing more than chance? Do you believe that there is a reason for your very existence and that you are not just an accident of a life form in the grand scheme of the Universe?

Life can make sense with Christ. If He took the time to create the Universe with order and logic He defiantly has time for you. He wants you to become a child of His. He wants to bring meaning your life. You are not an accidental life form in but a definite creation in God’s plan.

Life can make sense…If you want it to.

Why can't we...?

If we had "Dancing with Wolves" & now we have "Dancing with the Stars" why can't we have "Dancing with the Brain Dead Members of Congress"?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I've Been Busy!

I've done so many strange and bizarre things in my life...and I'm only half way through the list!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Ta Da!!!!

I was just awarded the "Totally Messing up the Worship Songs During Church" merit badge!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Ahhh memories...

In High School I was voted "Most likely not to be asked to do something important."
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Giving Credit When Its Due...

I was up all night and I slept most of the day. I just don't know how Dracula does it!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I feel so alone...

(Because all my imaginary friends are at group therapy today.)
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Its Family Time!

Having a family get together that will involve my grown kids & their spouses & my grandkids armed with their WMD's that I got them for X-mas.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

An Etiquette Lesson...

Unless its a matter of life or death, never wear a suit and tie when riding a Harley. Its disrespectful to the Harley.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Cats...

I don't hate cats, but I do know why God created them. To prove that He can create something that is totally useless and has no meaning.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A New Definition...

Scary is when you take a medication and your doctor doesn't tell you about the side effects, but you learn about them from a TV commercial.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

My how things change...

I have so many grandkids in that the pitter-patter of little feet has now turned into the roar of a thundering herd.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

What do you think?

Went people watching and my only thought was "Surely not all of them are accidents. I'm sure somebody planned some of them...or maybe not!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Another example of me having problems with authority...

I saw in the fridge some bacon with a note that said, "Don't Eat Me." Now there's a plate and a note, "I don't take orders from bacon."
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Its not fair!

Pirates who wear eye patches only have to work half as hard as the rest of us when we play "Where's the Baby?"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Maybe I Should Have Listened...

I should of followed my High School Counselor's advice and became a hermit.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Today's Latin Word for the Day:

"Dad" is the Latin word for "The guy who'll babysit his grand kids at the last second."
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A Serious Question...

I wonder if other fictional characters run into the same problems I do?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

My Medical Philosophy...

I don't get sick, sick gets me.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Out of the Mouth of Babes...

My granddaughter, who is 6 years old, just ask her mother to call her "Princess" from now on, and I quote "Because it has a nice ring to it"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

The Power of the Mind...

Hollywood wants to buy the movie rights to the thoughts I'm having.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

St. Patrick's Day.

As a former leprechaun myself, I can tell you for sure that St. Patrick's Day isn't all what its cracked up to be.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A Dream Comes True Today!

I am so stoked right now! Today I got to test drive a Harley Electra Glide Ultra Limited. The hardest part was taking it back to the dealer.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

This date in History:

March 15th 44 A.D. Julius Caesar was killed by a group of nobles that included Brutus and Cassius. But before that, he had Tacos for lunch. Happy Taco Tuesday!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

It had to be said...

To all those of you that felt I've been a bad influence in your lives, I've got just two words for you: You're Welcome.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I'm in a dilemma...

What do you call it when your body is tired and wants a nap, but your mind won't let it? Messed up!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Preach it Mae!

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
-- Mae West
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Well...What would YOU do?

When having to choose between two evils, I always chose the one I haven't tried yet.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Would I Lie About Something Like This?

The first thing the captain said when Titanic hit its deadly iceberg. "Are there enough lifeboats to save all the Tacos?" Happy Taco Tuesday!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Now seriously...

Is there anybody out there who doesn't have a reality show?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Kids, don't try this at home & leave it to the pros...

Unless you are a qualified Astronaut you are not allowed to stare off into space.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I think I'll spend the rest of the day in my chair...

Because every time I get out of it, I'm accused of screwing something up.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

And now the news you've all been waiting for:

President Obama just sign legislation declaring the month of March as "National Taco Month"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Ladies & Gentlemen...

I will be making an announcement tomorrow of epic proportions. Stay tuned.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I'm contemplating my next post...

I'll let you all know when I come up with something interesting.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

An Example of Being Brain Dead:

When you punch in your PIN number on your microwave and hit enter.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Why do we fight battles we know we can't win?

Because deep down inside, we just can't accept the thought of defeat.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

How about you?

I'm ready for an alternate universe...Who's with me?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Admit it...

All of us, at one point in our working lives, have been dying to say. "But Boss, if I agreed with you then we'd both be wrong."
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Let me be a lesson to you:

Because of me, some people don't (but they have a secret desire to try).
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Just thinking...

Today, I'm so lost in my thoughts. Now I'm wishing I'd have brought a map along to find my way out. (My major Taco news is coming soon)
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Guess what I'm doing!

I'm watching "Finding Nemo" for the 87th time with my grandkids. I'm about ready to tell them that he's has been found and Nemo is now a frozen fish stick.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

My new thought for the day:

Whatever doesn't kill you just drives up your insurance rates.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Happy 39th Mom & Dad!!!

Today is my parents 39th wedding anniversary, and guess how they plan to celebrate. They are putting out the "Good TV Trays" & have dinner.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

This just in...

Winds are blowing so hard here that a house fell out the sky and landed on a man's sis-in-law. When asked how he felt he said "Wrong Witch"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

The epitome of love is...

When your child says "Can I have the last piece of bacon" and you, as a parent tell them "Its all yours"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Take that Darwin!!!

Archaeologist have just proven there were no such thing as Dinosaurs roaming the earth. Instead, there were Giant Tacos. Happy Taco Tuesday!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I am so impressed!

My Grandkids are making cookies when suddenly the 4 year old says: "Look Papa...I made a Turd Cookie!"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I'm finally writing again!

But don't ask me what I'm writing about because I don't want to ruin the ending for you.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Every Had One Of These?

Today was not a good play day.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

You Too?

I laugh when I get email scams from "Africa" asking me for money to invest with. Evidently they didn't get the memo on how broke I really am!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

The End is Near...

Jackie Chan doing James Brown is definitely a sign the world is coming to an end.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Happy Taco Tuesday!

It took me 5 hours to explain to Homeland Security that a Taco is not a threat to air travel.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I've been right all along...

The lab results are in and the all the tests conclusively show that I'm officially bad for myself.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

The Power of a Good Memory?

It has been scientifically proven that goldfish have a 3 second memory span. I wonder what their secret is to remembering so much for so long.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Pain Relief Through Chemistry:

My back, neck & shoulders are killing me. But on the plus side, I'm just two pain pills away from Nirvana!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

And People Always Wonder Why I'm Always Broke...

My 5 year old grand daughter took my face in her little hands, looked into my eyes & said "I love you Papa...can I have $10.00?" She's good!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

How Intelligent Are You?

True intelligence is realizing you're not as smart as you think you are. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a short bus to catch.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Gotta Run...

Sorry I can't stay around and talk but I have to get out of here before the guards know I've escaped.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Happy Taco Tuesday!

We all should be performing a bit of RAT (Random Act of Taconess) today. Meaning you should be buying your favorite bald guy a Taco.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Nirvana?

A cup of coffee, a quiet house and snoring dogs. Saturday mornings don't get any better than this.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Warning!

I have no excuse for what I'm about to do.

My Version of "Don't Ask...Don't Tell"

Explaining my "Creative Genius" is a lot like a magician revealing how he does his magic tricks, it just kind of ruins it for everybody.

Happy Taco Tuesday!

I got a physical today and the doctor said that I needed to add more vegetables to my diet. So, I've decided to add lettuce to my tacos just to shut him up.

A Revelation:

I have come to the inevitable conclusion that I'm taller in real life.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Its Sunday Night.

The busy day is over..let the relaxation begin! (Like that's gonna happen).
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

There is an answer for everything.

But it would make more sense if I knew what the question was.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

The real reason behind Cloning?

To have your duplicate go to work for you on fridays so you can get an early start on the weekend parties.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Did I Forget Something?

My photographic memory is out of film.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A Thought...

I've just experienced a "Moment of Clarity"...and I didn't like it.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Happy Taco Tuesday!!!

Release the doves and let there be rejoicing throughout the land as we celebrate the first Taco Tuesday of 2011!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

This is a very sad day...

There is no Monday Night Football tonight!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Math to use when you are sick:

1 (NyQuill shot) + 2 (Nigh-Night Medicines) = 3 (Me, Myself & I getting some decent sleep...we hope.)
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961