I feel so alone...

(Because all my imaginary friends are at group therapy today.)
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Its Family Time!

Having a family get together that will involve my grown kids & their spouses & my grandkids armed with their WMD's that I got them for X-mas.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

An Etiquette Lesson...

Unless its a matter of life or death, never wear a suit and tie when riding a Harley. Its disrespectful to the Harley.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Cats...

I don't hate cats, but I do know why God created them. To prove that He can create something that is totally useless and has no meaning.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A New Definition...

Scary is when you take a medication and your doctor doesn't tell you about the side effects, but you learn about them from a TV commercial.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

My how things change...

I have so many grandkids in that the pitter-patter of little feet has now turned into the roar of a thundering herd.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

What do you think?

Went people watching and my only thought was "Surely not all of them are accidents. I'm sure somebody planned some of them...or maybe not!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Another example of me having problems with authority...

I saw in the fridge some bacon with a note that said, "Don't Eat Me." Now there's a plate and a note, "I don't take orders from bacon."
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Its not fair!

Pirates who wear eye patches only have to work half as hard as the rest of us when we play "Where's the Baby?"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Maybe I Should Have Listened...

I should of followed my High School Counselor's advice and became a hermit.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Today's Latin Word for the Day:

"Dad" is the Latin word for "The guy who'll babysit his grand kids at the last second."
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A Serious Question...

I wonder if other fictional characters run into the same problems I do?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

My Medical Philosophy...

I don't get sick, sick gets me.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Out of the Mouth of Babes...

My granddaughter, who is 6 years old, just ask her mother to call her "Princess" from now on, and I quote "Because it has a nice ring to it"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

The Power of the Mind...

Hollywood wants to buy the movie rights to the thoughts I'm having.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

St. Patrick's Day.

As a former leprechaun myself, I can tell you for sure that St. Patrick's Day isn't all what its cracked up to be.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A Dream Comes True Today!

I am so stoked right now! Today I got to test drive a Harley Electra Glide Ultra Limited. The hardest part was taking it back to the dealer.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

This date in History:

March 15th 44 A.D. Julius Caesar was killed by a group of nobles that included Brutus and Cassius. But before that, he had Tacos for lunch. Happy Taco Tuesday!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

It had to be said...

To all those of you that felt I've been a bad influence in your lives, I've got just two words for you: You're Welcome.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I'm in a dilemma...

What do you call it when your body is tired and wants a nap, but your mind won't let it? Messed up!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Preach it Mae!

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
-- Mae West
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Well...What would YOU do?

When having to choose between two evils, I always chose the one I haven't tried yet.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Would I Lie About Something Like This?

The first thing the captain said when Titanic hit its deadly iceberg. "Are there enough lifeboats to save all the Tacos?" Happy Taco Tuesday!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Now seriously...

Is there anybody out there who doesn't have a reality show?
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Kids, don't try this at home & leave it to the pros...

Unless you are a qualified Astronaut you are not allowed to stare off into space.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I think I'll spend the rest of the day in my chair...

Because every time I get out of it, I'm accused of screwing something up.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

And now the news you've all been waiting for:

President Obama just sign legislation declaring the month of March as "National Taco Month"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961