I am so impressed!

My Grandkids are making cookies when suddenly the 4 year old says: "Look Papa...I made a Turd Cookie!"
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I'm finally writing again!

But don't ask me what I'm writing about because I don't want to ruin the ending for you.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Every Had One Of These?

Today was not a good play day.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

You Too?

I laugh when I get email scams from "Africa" asking me for money to invest with. Evidently they didn't get the memo on how broke I really am!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

The End is Near...

Jackie Chan doing James Brown is definitely a sign the world is coming to an end.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Happy Taco Tuesday!

It took me 5 hours to explain to Homeland Security that a Taco is not a threat to air travel.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

I've been right all along...

The lab results are in and the all the tests conclusively show that I'm officially bad for myself.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

The Power of a Good Memory?

It has been scientifically proven that goldfish have a 3 second memory span. I wonder what their secret is to remembering so much for so long.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Pain Relief Through Chemistry:

My back, neck & shoulders are killing me. But on the plus side, I'm just two pain pills away from Nirvana!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

And People Always Wonder Why I'm Always Broke...

My 5 year old grand daughter took my face in her little hands, looked into my eyes & said "I love you Papa...can I have $10.00?" She's good!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

How Intelligent Are You?

True intelligence is realizing you're not as smart as you think you are. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a short bus to catch.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Gotta Run...

Sorry I can't stay around and talk but I have to get out of here before the guards know I've escaped.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Happy Taco Tuesday!

We all should be performing a bit of RAT (Random Act of Taconess) today. Meaning you should be buying your favorite bald guy a Taco.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Nirvana?

A cup of coffee, a quiet house and snoring dogs. Saturday mornings don't get any better than this.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Warning!

I have no excuse for what I'm about to do.

My Version of "Don't Ask...Don't Tell"

Explaining my "Creative Genius" is a lot like a magician revealing how he does his magic tricks, it just kind of ruins it for everybody.

Happy Taco Tuesday!

I got a physical today and the doctor said that I needed to add more vegetables to my diet. So, I've decided to add lettuce to my tacos just to shut him up.

A Revelation:

I have come to the inevitable conclusion that I'm taller in real life.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Its Sunday Night.

The busy day is over..let the relaxation begin! (Like that's gonna happen).
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

There is an answer for everything.

But it would make more sense if I knew what the question was.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

The real reason behind Cloning?

To have your duplicate go to work for you on fridays so you can get an early start on the weekend parties.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Did I Forget Something?

My photographic memory is out of film.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

A Thought...

I've just experienced a "Moment of Clarity"...and I didn't like it.
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Happy Taco Tuesday!!!

Release the doves and let there be rejoicing throughout the land as we celebrate the first Taco Tuesday of 2011!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

This is a very sad day...

There is no Monday Night Football tonight!
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961

Math to use when you are sick:

1 (NyQuill shot) + 2 (Nigh-Night Medicines) = 3 (Me, Myself & I getting some decent sleep...we hope.)
Gary Nickels
Writer, Speaker and Safely Observing the World Since 1961